My sisters and me at Tribal Gathering, Panama

Wow. It’s been a while since I’ve put pen to page; fingertips to keys. There have been several reasons for this:

1) my computer was away sick in the shop for a few weeks in January;

2) my Dad came to visit the first part of February and I didn’t want to be on the computer when he was here AND we were both sick. He had the typical Mexican belly issues, and I had a fungal ear infection.

3) I was away in Panama for almost a month in the jungle, sans internet.

Suffice to say, I’ve been a bit out of touch for a couple of months. And if I’m honest, a bit out of sorts. As many of you know, my ears and hearing have always presented challenges. Since I was about five, I’ve been in and out of hospital with tubes, tympanic membrane skin grafts and the like. All very painful. All resulting in diminished hearing. All resulting in fear of me completely losing my hearing. The past couple of years I’ve been working with a hearing aid, but it’s tricky as I’m such an active person; in and out of the water, on the beach, skiing wearing a helmet (I know, I’s a rough life!) and playing music; situations where I can’t wear the hearing aid.

Last month when Dad was here I had a show with a couple of other musicians and I had a really frightening moment onstage whereby the sound of the music changed to this weird psychedelic tunnel whoosh sound and I lost my bearing in terms of where we were in the music, and where I was in the world. If you’ve seen the movie, “It’s all Gone Wrong, Pete Tong”, it was kind of like that. I did my best to hold it together, and eventually the moment passed. It was really fucking scary.

One of my biggest fears is that I will lose my hearing entirely. If I can’t hear music, then what? It’s kind of ironic that I chose to do my grade 4 public speaking topic on Beethoven. All my classmates spoke about their older brothers, younger sisters, and pet rabbits, but I chose good ol’ Ludwig. I then followed that speech up next year with “The Role of The Conductor”. I always won at all of the competitions. Even then, I knew music would be part of my path. And so, with my hearing diminishing, I’ve been in a state of panic and trauma (low-grade, but there nonetheless) for years.

Back to January: I went to visit two different ear doctors in Playa Del Carmen within a week. One prescribed an anti fungal cream, and the other a round of anti fungal pills, anti inflammatory pills, antibiotic ear drops and pain killers. Nothing worked.

I found myself two weeks later in Panama at my much-anticipated Tribal Gathering; a three-week festival celebrating 30 different tribes worldwide showcasing their medicines, art, music and dance. It was AMAZING. Reconnected with soul sisters, met new soul brothers and sisters and danced like it was 1999. With low-grade pain the whole time.

The humidity didn’t help, and there were some nights when I couldn’t sleep because of the pain. I slept with an onion taped to my head. I tried tea tree oil. Various shamans chanted incantations in my ear. I sniffed potions and powders (not THAT type of powder people! I’m still a health freak). I hadn’t had an experience like this since I was a child. I knew that somehow, this pain and this discomfort was teaching me something...I had to go back to when I was a child and examine some issues that I didn’t want to hear. I won’t get into all the details here, but I will say that this moment was pivotal.

After years and years of being on antibiotics, and as a result now facing serious digestive issues, I knew that I could no longer trust Western medicine, or use antibiotics anymore. And besides that, my body has built up an immunity towards them. Don’t get me wrong...especially all you doc friends...I see that there is a purpose. If I break my leg, I’m not going to meditate it back together (I probably could, but I’m not that advanced at this point...YET!); I’m going to a skilled surgeon. But I also realize that at this point in my life, I need to work with my body’s innate intelligence and my own frequency. I have to raise my own vibration. I know that through all of my yogic studies, this is totally possible.

Back to last week: I went to Emergency in Panama before flying back as I was nervous about the flight. The doc prescribed You-Know-What-- antifungals and antibiotics. I chose not to take the antibiotics. I’m choosing to tap into my own healing and my own body’s intelligence. A new path. A new way of being.

Since being back in Tulum for a week, it’s been a process of integrating back into the busy-ness here. The noise (They have literally been setting off fireworks every hour on the hour for days). The action. The internet. HOWEVER, on the flip side, I’ve since been exploring binaural beats, which is a form of sound healing using certain healing frequencies panned left and right. I’ve also been listening to Joe Dispenza, who is a leading doctor in the mind-body connection. All of this on the internet. I went to a sound healing/gong bath last night, and connected with my Mayan friend whose grandfather was a shaman and healer. He came over and we used a variety of oregano to help with my healing. It was like plant medicine free basing, heating the liquid of the plant up on a spoon and applying it to my ear. Immediately I felt relief and empowered that I am doing something differently. I’ve decided to actually practice what I preach, and walk my walk. I know we all have a tremendous healing capacity within our own bodies. We can look outside for help and for tools from healers, shamans, plant medicine and such, but ultimately, we are our own healers. Wahe Guru!

I’ll keep you posted as to what’s happening on the healing front. It’s an experiment in the works. In the meantime, as I re-invent myself (as self-healer/medicine woman), I am also re-envisioning what I’d like to offer the world in the future. I know that being a full time touring musician isn’t for me; my body doesn’t have the energy it once had. I also know that I can offer and create spaces and retreats for transformation; my work with Wild Women Expeditions has taught me so much, and allowed me to flourish in the role of teacher/guide. I’m marrying both in my mid-life with the deep knowing that I am here to serve and inspire.

And so, this month I’ll be creating a new website; the melancholy singer-songwriter is no more! No more singing about old beaus, smoking weed and drinking bourbon. She served me well in the past, but I know that it’s time for a new chapter. And here is where I ask for your help:
Would you send me 3-5 words that you would use to describe me? You’ve been on this journey with me for a long time and you too have seen the shifts and transformations. Any photos you can imagine? Any images or symbols? I’m creating new content online to reflect this new path of healing. YES I’ll still be creating music, but it will be aligned with healing. Not just mantra, but creating music to cure the ailments of the soul.

As always, so much gratitude for your participation on the journey.
I look forward to HEARING from you.

Love and Light,
Sarah xo

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