New Year's Resolution 2015

I remember singing that song around the campfire up at Kitchi every summer, bawling my eyes out, knowing that the end of camp was just around the corner each end of August, as the days started to get shorter and the star-filled nights began earlier.
I've been thinking a lot lately about "wishing" for things to be different, and not fully accepting what is currently happening in the present moment. Even this morning, I looked on Facebook and saw that my friend Mary was sailing in Antigua for Classics, and I commented nonchalantly, "Wish I was there." And then I thought about it. It feels as though I have a tendency to wish that things were different, especially after arriving back to Canada last week to a snowstorm and gray days, after a sublime winter in the Caribbean and the past month in sunny California. When I got back, everyone was sympathetic and said things like, "Man, I bet you wish you were back in Antigua eh?" I almost fell into that trap and that way of thinking as I began to lament the sun-drenched days on the beach, the amazing man I'd been sharing time with for my last month in Antigua, the friends and students there with whom I'd become close, and all the rest of island living. I say almost, because I caught myself before I started to really go down the path of not accepting where I am at the present moment.
I wrote a couple of months ago about FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), which sometimes paralyzes me and takes me out of the present moment. Likewise, in the past, I've sometimes let my mind drift (too much) back to the past, and have started to cling to memories, wishing I could re-live them, as opposed to just letting my mind recall and reflect on beautiful moments, being grateful for them, then coming back to the here and now. Alternatively, I have struggled with wishing I could change situations/actions where there has been a not-so-great outcome, like hurting someone's feelings, causing harm to someone, or to put it simply: making mistakes. In Buddhism, there are 5 Hinderances that lead us out of the present moment and into suffering; two of them relate to what I'm talking about: "Sense Desire" is where we want something pleasant to be happening (daydreaming about lying on the beach with a lover instead of in Barrie on a couch alone), as well as "Ill Will" where we have a sense of not liking something in the present moment (snow and wind, boredom, the repercussions of letting down a friend etc. etc.)

Instead of falling into that trap which I used to do, I hunkered down in Barrie in the piano room where it was cozy, started to write a new song, caught up with friends on the phone, hung out with my dog, worked on my computer on the new songs for the next album, and had a sense of gratitude for having a warm place to be. I looked back at some photos and recalled amazing times with the fellow in Antigua, and although I miss him very much, I accepted the fact that he's on the other side of the world and I'm here and now. I also thought about a couple of friends that I'd disappointed in the recent past, and decided that all I could do was not let it happen again. Yogi Bhajan said that nothing is really "wrong"; it's only wrong when you let it happen again. That being said, I've really come to a place of acceptance over the past couple of weeks, and it feels incredibly liberating. 

Question for You: What do you have trouble with accepting and how do you reconcile this in your life? 

As always, I so look forward to hearing from you and staying connected on this journey. 
Much love and light,


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