“But I miss you most of all, my darling. When autumn leaves, start to fall.” Kosma and Prevert

There is a melancholy melody in the air today; I sit outside of my new home in downtown Toronto, grateful that I have once again landed in a place that is perfect for me right now. The sun has been shining all morning and I’ve been relishing in its glory, sitting on my upstairs east facing balcony, soaking up its rays before the clouds to the west roll in. The leaves across the way in Trinity Bellwoods park are dancing and making “shhhhhhhh” sounds to accompany the siren blaring east on Queen Street. I watch some of the leaves make their way down off the branches, signifying the end of their existence. And so, even with the sun trying to warm this heart, there is a sadness, a loss, and a time of grieving for what is dying. This time of year always forces me to go inward; in both place and being. I’ve been making soups and curries all week, adoring the gas stove and Vitamix blender. Really, the prospect of being able to put that blender on my registry is one of the only reasons I’ve contemplated getting married. Perhaps not the right reasons. Hence, the land of singles is still my stomping grounds. The clouds are now moving quickly and the sun is now obscured; but I know that it’s still there…hiding. Hibernating. Kind of like what I am doing now as I plan to stay home for the majority of the day finishing a song I started the other day called, “Flashlight”. So far, the end of the chorus sings, “Let the music be our flashlight.” In these days, where the light becomes less and less, tragedy blares from the radio and television on the news, and we prepare for a huge shift in consciousness, we have to let music, art and community light our way forward.

Speaking of light, I’m sharing space with my new kindred spirit Gisele and her son Jakob. Gisele is  an incredibly talented jewelry maker and person. Her home is reminiscent of a retreat center with its minimal and yet beautiful décor. She too embraces Buddhism, so I feel at home on many levels. I just began reading the book, “The Monks and Me” by my dear friend Mary Paterson; she writes of how her journey to a French monastery actually guided her to having a sense of “home”. I’ve moved around so much over the years, that my sense of home is constantly changing. I know that I will still travel and explore and stay true to my curious roots, but I also know that Toronto is a great home base for me right now. Alex and Rishma (aka: the new band called, “Masala” are coming over this afternoon to rehearse our new tune, perhaps jam, and make some musical goals for the future. I’m excited.  There is hope and brightness ahead, even though these clouds have now taken over and threaten rain. I feel like going inside anyways to make some more soup and finish my tune. Liberation in hibernation.

Comments

Candace Castro October 20, 2012 @09:35 pm
Beautiful sentiments Sarah! I relate :) In particular to the concept/feeling of "home". I too have been learning mastery in living out of a suitcase and have now learned to call wherever I am "home". I have learned to release my need to have a physical or geographical location be "home" and have learned to embrace "home" in my heart. Cheers and all good wishes to your new adventures ahead!
Annette October 20, 2012 @03:28 pm
Hi Sarah; I as well am feeling a bit melancholy today. It's gloomy and damp here at the beach and as I sit by the fire my mind wonders from my text book to thoughts of "missing". Missing my kids, friends and family that this busy life of running and working keeps me from. Wondering about "what ifs" but realizing the Universe has a great sense of humor and no matter how hard we try she has her own ideas and she knows what's best for us. Maybe I will cook up something spicy and warm in the kitchen today... Nothing like creating something new to remind you to move forward to better times because better times always come as long as we keep breathing. Thanks for the blog, love your writing! xo

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